I have a place to hide away from sadness and Covid and worry.
I go deep into the forest and sit silently among the trees.
I relax in the shade.
I listen to the wind rustling the leaves.
It is a million miles from my troubles.
I pack a chair and a snack.
When I come back, I am refreshed.
The banana forest is just across the drive
but I pretend I am far away.
Everyone needs a banana forest.
FLOW on the GO.
One of my favorite mushrooms is the Indigo Milky Cap.
It is one of my favorite colors, Indigo blue, and has an unusual shape and texture.
It has been wet here in North Carolina. I should have been out indigo hunting.
I almost missed these. They have all ready faded, but are still beautiful.
The advantage of finding them late is the snails have found them, too.
The snails and I both love these Lactarius indigo mushrooms.
Flow
Sometimes my garden feels a little bit crowded.
Most folks would not notice.
But once you have tiny friends, you cannot unsee them.
I am surrounded.
I must move carefully so as not to hurt one
or be hurt by one.
They are on leaves,
under leaves
on the walls
on my planters
and under my pots
on the deck.
Everywhere I go I have tiny friends.
I am surrounded by mini tiny friends.
Flow
Here is that color again. Orange, but not orange.
I think the pink eye plays tricks on the human eye.
The name on the tag is ‘Orange Perfection’ garden phlox by Garden Rich.
It does not stand up straight like some phlox or creep along on the ground like other phlox.
It reclines on the rocks.
I like the contrast between the orange and gray.
I like its cascading to soften the rock edges.
I got this right by accident. Phlox on the rocks serendpity.
Flow
I keep seeing the empty spot where it should have been. (Under the left window)
I need to fill it in with something so I will quit chastising myself.
Frydek belongs there, but it is gone because of me.
Yes, I cried when it died. It was my fault, you see.
I am overprotective of everything, including my plants.
It is exhausting.
I used to dig up my ears and bring them all in to overwinter.
I thought they needed protection from freezing. Protection from rotting…
I do not do that anymore because of Frydek.
I brought them all in the fall of 2018. To keep them safe.
Frydek was dug first and put in the bottom of the barrel.
Layers of peat and paper were piled up in the barrel.
Ear, peat, paper, ear, peat, paper
Somehow water got in the barrel. Frydek was in the bottom.
Frydek rotted. Frydek died being protected.
I left all the ears out last fall. They all survived.
Frydek is gone. Its space is still here. All the other ears are here.
Reminding me that I need to quit over-mothering everything.
I will try to remember that because of Frydek.
Flow
https://floweralley.org/2018/08/04/a-new-leaf/
Be prepared for total cuteness.
https://floweralley.org/2017/04/29/bunny-secrets/
https://floweralley.org/2017/04/19/evidence-of-a-stalker/
Flow
I truly hope this is my last sad post for a long, long time.
Barley my precious, brown bunny had to be put down on August 4, 2020.
He had many health issues. It broke my already broken heart to let him go.
I first saw Barley when my family went to a pet store to purchase fish.
It was love at first sight. This was December 2014.
I did not want him to be lonely, so I had Rose pick out a girl bunny.
Barley and Charlotte have been like two peas in a pod.
Always together. Always entertaining. Unbelievably cute.
Here is my last photo of my precious Barley.
His back legs no longer worked, but he happily continued to eat and scoot.
Charlotte has been in mourning, but seems to have finally forgiven me for taking her boy.
BELOW are links to my favorite bunny posts.
https://floweralley.org/2016/01/07/bunnies-in-the-doghouse/
https://floweralley.org/2017/05/05/bunny-secrets-revealed/
https://floweralley.org/2016/05/11/busy-and-not-busy/
You can see from these posts why I love them so much.
My world is small.
Losing my daddy and Barley this summer has made it painfully smaller.
I have written many posts about my daddy. Type “my daddy” in the search box to see them.
Hopefully Flower will get back to her flowers.
FLOW
I know that everyone pulls these off their tomato plants and kills them.
I know they munch on the tomato leaves and poop on the plant.
That’s how I find them.
There is something that might make you pause before you murder one.
These big Tobacco Hornworm caterpillars (Manduca quinquemaculata)
turn into large Carolina Sphinx moths.
These moths come at sunset to my Four-o’clock flowers.
They are spectacular and magical. They are worth every leaf they eat.
Sometimes eggs of a parasitic wasp are laid on them. Ouch!
So be a good host to these giant, green munchers,
later you will be rewarded by flyers that look a lot like fairies.
https://floweralley.org/?s=Four+O%27clocks
Flow
I have told myself that I must keep going.
But I was wrong.
Going is not the problem.
I can still cook, weed and do laundry.
I can still clean and shop.
I can do anything I want to.
But I don’t want to.
This is not depression. I know it well.
This is despair.
My heart is not broken, it’s missing.
I am afraid of this non-feeling mode.
I do things, but I don’t feel things.
So now, instead of telling myself I must keep going
I am urging myself to keep caring.
I usually care too much.
Now I am numb.
Floe
floweralley 