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Only Old on the Outside

| Flower Roberts

It happened again this week, a quick impatient and dismissive glance from a young person.


I am still surprised by this. I got old while I was not paying attention.


I am a bit shocked by my actual age and seasoned appearance, when I actually pay attention to me.

All of my me’s are still inside this old husk.

All the hair vitamins and retinol in the world will not stop this march to O L D.

Elders should not be dismissed.
Their youth is still in there…

that fussy baby, clingy toddler, scared school girl, fiesty teenager, diligent student, insecure wife, determined teacher, terrified mother and grieving daughter are all still present under the old layer you see.

I am surrounded by old people here in this little mountain town.

I am surprised each time I realize I am one of them.

My new tribe.

Lots of aches and ailments along with a wealth of wisdom.

We are still here, just further along the journey than the youth are.

FLOW

Striving and Arriving

| Flower Roberts

At the end of a long struggle

is a grateful but unsettling pause.

A quick celebration and deep sigh.

Then discombobulation

and a reorienting.

I am in that awkward pause now.

That precarious place on the other side of a finish line.

There is relief, but also emptiness.

There should be rest and relief,

but striving became a habit.

Now what?

What will be on the other side of the “if only”?

Striving is “aliving.”

What will I do when all that drive stops?

Do we ever really arrive?

Part of me hopes not.

FLOW

GO BLUE…Now what?

What’s Up At Wildwood?

| Flower Roberts

I am back at Wildwood this week. I have been moving things and cleaning as usual. I have put out word that many plants are ready for adoption. It’s all I can do.

Mother of Thousands and Mother of Millions in same pot up for adoption.

I have been taking pictures of things I like. I will not share the mess. We burned more of my biology notebooks yesterday. I had the horrible thought this morning.

My career up in smoke.

Where would I be if I had invested all that effort into something besides science and plants? Maybe I took a wrong turn decades ago and got on the wrong path.

I know this kind of thinking is not helpful at age 65, but I am burning records of my career and giving away my botanical collection. It’s hard not to have such questions as I purge my present life of my past.

Jean May camellia

I just don’t want people to envy me or think my life is easy. I do not want to create dissatisfaction by sharing all the good stuff and hiding the struggles, of which there have been many.

Sleeping head-down in the morning sun.

So when you see all this beauty in these pictures, remember the sore back and dirty fingernails that got me here. Every choice involves loss. Don’t be fooled by a pretty photo.

Pink Muhly grass
Light and shadows
Mother-in-law snake plant up for grabs.
My favorite gardening chair. Ha

FLOW

Purloined Fruit to Unwanted Fruit

| Flower Roberts

The purloined Poncirius has made fruit for the first time. I could be pleased, but I am not.

This is a cautionary tale for all you seed stealers out there. Be careful what you wish for. When you get it, it may cause pain.

This is all my fault. I saw the Poncirius trifoliata at an undisclosed plantation. I was fascinated by its long green thorns. It is a plant nobody will mess with.

I carefully picked a small, fuzzy yellow fruit and stored it in an undisclosed location on my person. The fruit was forgotten until bedtime. It rolled across the floor as I was switching into pajamas.

The fruit went home. The seeds were saved, then carefully planted in pots. The plants grew quickly. I planted two in the ground to see if they would survive our winters in zone 7.

The two hardy shrubs are taller than I am. They are lovely with dense foliage. This could be the end, but there is a dark secret. Poncirius trifoliata can be invasive.

Ponciriu/Citrus trifoliata: Flying dragon

I told myself it could not happen here. I was wrong. I know of two giant shrubs of  Poncirius/Citrus trifoliata beside Highway 321 past Lenoir. That is zone 6. I cannot trust these two to stay put. I cannot allow the fruit to get loose.

These shrubs are nicknamed Flying dragons. The fruit is hardy orange or bitter orange. It is deer resistant, but that will not save it.

Poncirius trifoliata with bitter, hardy oranges.

I picked all the fuzzy, little oranges and took them in. There was bleeding involved as usual. This is the meanest plant I have ever had.

I will not sadden you with my plans for the two trees. I must be responsible. This fruit produces a formidible foe that must be contained.

I fell in love with its dangerous thorns, stole its usless fruit, sacrificed my blood while caring for it. I don’t have a lick of sense when it comes to plants.

FLOW

The Passion and the Pea

| Flower Roberts

This was one of my favorite finds of the whole trip to Charleston. These two intertwined vines are covering two separate trellises in the gardens of the Manigault House.

Passiflora vines and Butterfly Pea/ Bluebell vines/Clitoria ternatea vines covering sidewalk sentinel trellises near the gatehouse.

Gatehouse of the Manigault House


Not only are the blooming vines bursting with Fritillary butterflies. They are also crawling with caterpillars of all sizes. 

Fritillary caterpillars all over Passion leaves

One is even forming a chrysalis. It was hanging beside a peapod of a similar shape.

Caterpillar to chrysalis

The passion flowers are a deep purple and the pea blooms are deep blue. My camera did not do them justice.

Passion flower
Blue Pea bloom/Bluebell/Butterfly Pea

I just had to pause a while to watch all the fluttering and crawling on these Passions and Peas.

Fritillary butterfly

FLOWER

My Deal with the Thicket

| Flower Roberts

Our thicket is neither pretty nor tidy. If those were requirements for survival, I would have been purged as a child.
It is not the appearance of the thicket that matters, it is its function.  What it does makes it of value.

The thicket on the corner.

Things live in the thicket, eat in the thicket and hide in the thicket. Those things matter to me, you see.

Jewelweed grows around the margin.

A pair of rabbits lives in the protection of the thicket. These two come out in the evenings to graze on grass or eat pieces of Daddy’s apples that have been dropped by careless crows.

A bunny and two crows under the apple tree.

I often encounter insects in the thicket. Today, I disturbed a butterfly. This dragonfly was undeterred by my trimming around it.

Dragonfly posing

Birds nest in the thicket. If I spot a nest, I leave that part messy until the season changes. Birds also shelter in it during bad weather.

Once a tiny fawn hid in the thicket while it’s mother wandered elsewhere to feed. The branches of the rhododendrons twist together to make the middle safe from large predators.

Under the thicket.

Food grows within the thicket. I trim the outer blackberry stalks back, but leave some for foragers. There are pokeberries, too.  The brown thrashers love them. They also love thrashing about in debris under the thicket to find insects.

Pokeberries

There is a tiny world inside that thicket. I have pledged to leave it undisturbed in the middle. I just keep the exposed surfaces tidy to placate any picky neighbors. That’s my deal. I plan to keep it.

Giving the thicket a trim.

Yes, the thicket is a bit ugly. But ugly can be useful. Just as pretty can be useless.

FLOW

From Many to Only One

| Flower Roberts

I was shocked to find only one Jewel of Opar ‘Limon’ plant while I was home. This lovely plant used to self-sow everywhere. I feared it might become an invasive pest with its long root and many, tiny seeds.

This one ‘Limon’ was growing in the middle of a pot of tiny sedums and weeds. Its bright yellow leaves caught my attention. Once I was reminded of ‘Limon’, I searched for more. There were none. Only one had survived my neglect.

I am so grateful that this one jewel of a seed survived in that pot of sedums. I pulled the whole mess from the pot and cracked the soil in half. Then I carefully removed and replanted the ‘Limon.’

Jewels of Opar ‘Limon’

The weeds were removed and the sedums replanted. The ‘Limon’ has doubled in size since I removed its competition. I must make certain Mr. Flower and Rose are aware of its value.

It is the only jewel left. Another close call on Wildwood. Having treasures that can die is difficult. I should have collected stamps!

FLOWER