Author: Flower Roberts

Sandra’s Hanky Circle

| Flower Roberts

My good friend Sandra used to meet me for brunch at a restaurant named First Watch. We called it Last Minute as a joke. On one of these times I brought her a gift from Enwood. That is what I call the old home place.

Sandra used real handkerchiefs instead of tissue. I had found a stash of hankies in a drawer of Gran’s dresser. I washed them and ironed them. Then I picked out my favorites. Placed them in a fancy box and took them to our brunch meeting.

We got seated at a small table by the kitchen door. I presented my gift before our food arrived. She loved the delicate, embroidered designs on them and the fact they came from Enwood and my family.

Hankies before refurbishment.

After Sandra and Mama died, I did not go to “Last Minute” for months. This was not really intentional, it is just how things played out.

The next time I went there was with my sister. As fate would have it, we got seated at the exact same table-for-two by the kitchen. As I plopped down on the seat. I burst into tears.

The hostess looked confused, my sister looked puzzled. I could not speak, so there was an embarrassing pause until I could babble an explanation to my sister, which was then interpreted to the hostess.

I do not plan these emotional eruptions. They come when they come. The catharsis is quick but overwhelming.

We ate our meal as we talked about Sandra wearing all green to Last Minute once. Her hair was short due to chemo. My sis told Sandra she looked like she was in the army. I said she looked like Mary Martin as Peter Pan. Such is conversation among good friends.

While purging Wildwood during my trip home last week, I found more hankies in a basket in the basement. These had not made the cut due to spots. I hauled them up the mountain. They were treated with bleach on q-tips and soaked in borax. Then handwashed, dried flat and ironed.

These will go in a fancy round box beside Sandra’s picture. This little display on my dresser will remind me that I am part of an eternal circle connecting people I have loved to people I do love.

Keeping Sandra close.

If this post made you need a hanky, I have added a funny hanky story below for comic relief.

The Hanky-Panky Hanky

FLOWER

From This Day Backward

| Flower Roberts

Did I really read this book without burning it? The book by Kenneth J. Foreman is even more irritating than I remembered. I am surprised Mama kept it. If she had been dead when it was placed in the trash, I would have believed that she did it.

Now, I am doubting that this is the right book. I recall being miffed by its preachiness. I wondered how Mama felt about getting this as a wedding gift. I even looked through her wedding gift records. It had the givers’ names and “books” was listed.

I discussed this topic with my sister again this morning. Then I read this book for the third and hopefully last time. In my mind I held three points of view.

Contents

The first point of view was an attempt to see it through my mother’s unmarried eyes of 1952.

My adorable parents

The second was through my miffed attitude at the time I found the book in the trash in 2023. The third is of me sitting in my deceased parents’ mountain house built at the end of a long marriage. Considering this little book while safe in my haven.

My notes on this little powder keg of a book.

It is almost a book discouraging marriage except for the most devout and worthy Christians.  Pagans are insulted numerous times. I would feel unworthy of marriage if I had read this beforehand. My sis and I think my mama was probably too busy to read it before the wedding. There was no evidence of it ever being read before I read it. Oh, the irony!

If you know someone who is in a questionable engagement, may I suggest this book as a gift? (Only on Esty or ebay.) It will cause a doubt storm so fierce they may never get married.

I truly LOVE these people right here.

I am surprised that From This Day Forward needed a third printing in 1953. I will say it tries to put the skids on the conveyor belt carrying young women and men toward the altar. This book has the exact opposite effect of the shotgun at a wedding.

I will share several stand-outs that were particularly urksome.

  1. The man says “honor her” in the vows. The woman says “inspire him.” Only the woman wears a ring. Clunk.
  2. Take This Woman seems to imply all women have multiple personalities while men are rock-steady and understandable. I did appreciate that women have wider horizons and see farther into tomorrow.
  3. Take This Man has several interesting insights. Men are childlike. Their work and leisure will not be shared nor understood. The wife may be jealous of both. I did like the plea for patience from both parties.
  4. Do not expect improvements after the ceremony. Some marriages are suffocating.
  5. Wealth may be as bad for the marriage as becoming poor. Temptations, motives and how wealth is acquired are covered.
  6. Sickness and health touched on how an illness and suffering may change one’s personality. The sick person should be forgiven for transgressions.
  7. Duration may seem like punishment. Some “til death” marriages are painful.  The keys to a long happy marriage are humor and honesty. I do agree.

The one part that set my hair on fire was on page 35 about WOMEN.  I quote:

( Had you ever noticed that it is men physicians, counselors and ministers who have to allay the nervous tensions of women, and seldom the other way around?)

Written in 1950, when very few women had the opportunity to become physicians, counselors or ministers. Pause to put out your hair ladies.

I will not burn this book. It will be in Gran’s china cabinet with the wedding book. They belong together like oil and water.

This little treasure from the trashcan was both infuriating and enlightening.

FLOW

Why these Two Books? Why the Trash?

| Flower Roberts

Before I cover each book in detail, I would like to analyze them as a pair. I would also like to consider why they might have been put in the trash in the office of Enwood.

There is no point speculating how the books were moved from wherever to the trash. My sister and I both saw the books in the trashcan. Neither of us put them there. The why is worth considering.

Both titles are from Christian rituals. From This Day Forward is part of the marriage vows. Deliver Us From Evil is part of the Lord’s prayer. I do not think either of my parents would send a sign trashing the church. They were both very religious and involved in their church for over sixty years.

Although ‘Deliver Us From Evil’ is part of a Christian vow, the book was about the United States’ involvement in Vietnam. I consider it propaganda.

If I were speculating on why these books were put in a trashcan together, I might think that it could have been encouragement in the questioning of these two establishments; Christian marriage and governmental power.

I was living in the Enwood house at the time. I was sorting things to be given away and sold. It was a difficult period of trying to balance the needs of my family at home and mama’s many needs at the home. My sister and I had good helpers or we would have suffered terribly under the strain.

I had lost faith in the church and the government at this point. I felt unmoored after losing my precious father. Now, I was helping my sister preparing to empty our home place as mama was declining.

Two of the establishments that should have given me a sense of stability, church and country,  were no longer trusted. There was a lot of isolation and uncertainty at this time for my family.

I felt guilty about my doubting the traditional establishment of marriage. I wondered what each of my parents would have said about my negative attitude.

I was also very disturbed by the political climate. I have always cared about issues, being loyal to one party was not important.

I know hindsight is supposedly more accurate than forethought.  If I were to seriously try to parcel out a meaning from these two books in a trashcan I think I could settle on either or both of my parents encouraging me to question the traditional establishments and not mindlessly follow tradition.

I have discussed this with my sister.  I consider signs as nudges to help us mortals. I am no expert. This is all new to me. I am very analytical, so I ponder anything that is unusual or out of place.

My next post will be my interpretations of the two books.

FLOW

The Two Books in the Trash: Part 2

| Flower Roberts

This post is a follow-up to an earlier post. THE LINK IS BELOW.

I am sorry for the delay caused by throwing the books away.
I had to order them on the internet because they were printed over sixty years ago.

Time Circles Take Their Time

Copies had to be ordered.

In this post I will discuss again my original reaction. A later post will be about my thoughts now after several years of wondering what the possible meaning of this sign could be? Was it from my mom or my dad? How did these two books get into that room? Landing in a wicker trashcan made them visible from the outside or they may never have been noticed. What a coincidence!

The answers are always in the details. Here I will describe each book and my initial reaction to it.

Front and back of the Kenneth J. Foreman
book about marriage vows.

I do wish I had the book jacket of the original book from the Enwood house, if there was one. This one is so much more interesting. This is from the third printing in 1953. The first printing was in 1950.

My initial reaction to this book was not pleasant. This book was a wedding gift from some friends of my maternal grandparents to my parents. The view of marriage in the 1950’s was very different from my views in 2023. I was not happy to have to revisit these old views of matrimony. I felt like I was being chastised and corrected from the grave. I was not sure if I wanted to be married at all at that point. I certainly was not about to backtrack to an antiquated version of marriage. This supposed sign actually made me furious.

Vietnam Era book by Thomas A. Dooley M.D.

The second book was also a propaganda powder keg. I was too young to fully understand Vietnam as the war unfolded and damaged the lives of thousands of people. I did understand tragedy and death. The books by and about Thomas A. Dooley tried to add a positive spin to the war story.

The Dooley story was carefully crafted to show how good Americans were and how evil the enemy was. The stories were fabricated or atleast slanted. Later information exposed that Dooley was actually a spy not just a selfless humanitarian. He got enemy information by locating his clinics in strategic locations. His crew did treat the ailments of locals and provide much needed nutrition packages. Every story has two sides. This one is tricky.

So now you know the names of the Two Books in the Trash.

I will follow this with my take on the meanings now. I have decided to treat each separately even though they ended up in the same trashcan. Stay tuned.

Be patient.

Remember, Time Circles Take Their Time.

FLOW

Costume or Camouflage

| Flower Roberts

I have addressed this issue before in two posts, ‘Hiding on Stage’ and ‘Whose Clothes Are These?’ are the titles. (Links below)

I usually have an identity conundrum when the seasons change and while shopping for clothes, shoes and/or jewelry.

I catch myself whispering ” You wish you were that person, but you are not.” as I touch some outrageous article that I want but would never wear. Any attention-getting item is considered ‘Costume.’

Most of my warddrobe is for blending. I shoot for natural and neutral. Small, unusual details are the allowed. “Do not notice me, but if you do, here is something interesting.”

I miss my costume days. At least there was a fake sense confidence as my chosen character moved through the scenes of my life. I do not mind the camouflage periods. I feel like an invisible, silent observer. It’s like being in the audience versus on stage, less pressure, more entertainment.

Another conundrum is coming. The weather on the mountain will change quickly. I will return to Wildwood to “shop” in my closests. Things will be chosen or purged.  “Who am I now?” will be the theme…again.

I have accepted this ‘Costume or Camouflage’ phenomenon. I am happy to still be asking the question of “Who are you now?” instead of being stuck with a supplied, inflexible answer.

Look in your closets. Are YOU in there? Really?

FLOW

Whose Clothes are These?

Hiding Onstage

From Many to Only One

| Flower Roberts

I was shocked to find only one Jewel of Opar ‘Limon’ plant while I was home. This lovely plant used to self-sow everywhere. I feared it might become an invasive pest with its long root and many, tiny seeds.

This one ‘Limon’ was growing in the middle of a pot of tiny sedums and weeds. Its bright yellow leaves caught my attention. Once I was reminded of ‘Limon’, I searched for more. There were none. Only one had survived my neglect.

I am so grateful that this one jewel of a seed survived in that pot of sedums. I pulled the whole mess from the pot and cracked the soil in half. Then I carefully removed and replanted the ‘Limon.’

Jewels of Opar ‘Limon’

The weeds were removed and the sedums replanted. The ‘Limon’ has doubled in size since I removed its competition. I must make certain Mr. Flower and Rose are aware of its value.

It is the only jewel left. Another close call on Wildwood. Having treasures that can die is difficult. I should have collected stamps!

FLOWER

Gran’s Jewelry Box

| Flower Roberts

Gran’s jewelry box stayed in the bottom drawer of Mama’s dresser. I think itade her sad. Mama’s fancy black jewel box was displayed on the top. Now, Mama is gone and her house has been sold. My sis has her black, musical jewel box and I have Gran’s white one. It will stay in my closet with my jewelry tools.

My Gran’s jewelry box

Every time I open it I feel the past seeping out. The inside of the box smells like Chanel powder. That is the Aunt Ethel and Gran auroma. Mama did not have a signature fragrance because many perfumes made Daddy sneeze. I think of this, too, when I smell the Chanel.

This box full of unusual, vintage costume jewelry. I remember these pieces being worn by my Gran, Aunt Ethel (in photos) and Mama.  I have converted some clip-on earrings into pins or pierced earrings. I will wear those.

Some of these pieces are broken, but have salvageable parts. I have tools to work on these. Little by little I will fix them or let them go, just like I have done with my plants. It is a necessary purging process. We cannot keep lugging the past around in the present and dragging it all into the future. That is referred to as baggage, not treasure.

Nice compartments and hooks for necklaces.

Here are the photos of some of the old pieces of costume jewelry.  I find them interesting. They will probably look familiar to those of you who have inherited your grandma’s or mother’s jewelry.

There was only one earring, so I made it into a brooch.
I think this was Aunt Ethel’s favorite set. I am keeping it.
Red branch coral from Czechoslovakia
I used the jeweler’s loop to identify these.
I wear this necklace. It is heavy.
I made a brooch out of one of these.
Glued pin to back.
I have seen many pins like this on the internet.
These were clip-ons.
Crazy “fish egg” necklace with broken clasp.
These are lovely fake pearls. Clasp is broken. One string has a repair knot.

Gran’s jewelry box does not take up much space in my house. In my mind it looms large. I hope I will do right by its contents. There are quite a few things that I inherited that seem much bigger than their actual size. They have a presence. Sometimes good, other times not.

FLOW

The Comic Book Sign from My Daddy

| Flower Roberts

This happened in 2024. I was reminded of it today while purging an Enwood box in the Wildwood library. I am years behind due to circumstances beyond my control.
I am irritated by mess and chaos. Since the library is full of my mess and chaos, I figured no one else would deal with it. I purged a big plastic box of remnants from the Enwood. This had in it the comic book that was part of the sign from Daddy.

It was 2024. I was working alone in Daddy’s woodworking shop beside the house on Enwood. It was still dirty and messy. This is not how my Daddy usually kept things, but his arthritis, age and eventually cancer had limited his energy. Cleaning up sawdust and putting away tools moved down and eventually off the “TO DO” list. The shop was an overwhelming place for me. I started with cleaning because it could be mindless work. Organizing required thought. Cleaning was automatic. I talked to Daddy as I worked. I spent a lot of my time in there scolding him for not giving me more “Man Lessons.”

I did not know how to use many of the tools. I did not even know the names of some, much less the value. I felt unprepared for the tasks ahead. I was mad and cried a lot. I do not remember if I was having a pity hissy fit when this happened, because my train of thought was interrupted by a crashing sound on the other side of the shop.

I turned around to see that the top end of one of Daddy’s fishing rods from the top shelf had swooped down and slammed its end onto a comic book that happened to be lying out on the workbench.

I am new to this sign business. The obvious thought was that Daddy was telling me not to throw away the comic book. I looked through it for money. I looked up the comic book on-line. Not worth much. Was the fishing rod of value? No. Maybe he just wanted me to quit whining?

Today, I pulled that comic book out again and wondered what significance it may have that I have not discovered yet?

I took took photos of the front and the back for the blog. That’s when I noticed the advertisement for the Red Rider BB gun on the back.

Oh, dear! This looks just like the BB gun we gave away when my sis and I sold the other guns to a gun store. I hope that thing wasn’t valuable! Maybe if I had had a few more “Man Lessons” I would have known better. Oops, I missed it again. My bad Dad!

FLOW

Three Fawns in the Yard

| Flower Roberts

The two bold ones stick together.

Two bold fawns


The third hangs back peeking from behind cover.

Two fawns running.

When the pair get out of sight,

Scared #3 behind and bawling

the third starts bawling and running after them.

Fawn drama…

from three fawns in the yard.

FLOW