I wasn’t expecting witness pandemic porn on my outing to buy mask materials.

I was innocently looking at sturdy 100% cotton cloth, when I noticed another customer chatting it up with the employee who cuts the fabrics.

The employee’s face was my first clue that something was amiss.

The older, hefty customer was buying a lot of lace and tulle’.

I had to do a triple take after glancing at her face.

Where there should have been a full coverage mask was a tiny patch of black lace.

Her nose played peek-a-boo as the air from her nostrils blew the lace up and down.

I felt as though she had exposed herself right there in that store that plays Christian music.

Her husband silently stood by her side in his whitey-tighty mask.

I couldn’t just whip out my camera, so I tried to discreetly peek from behind a 30% Off sale sign.

I wanted to remember every detail so I could draw one when I got home.

No! I will not be making Covid thongs to give away.

Maybe someone will pass along the idea to Victoria’s Secret. They are experts at making things that don’t cover what they are supposed to.

Maybe that woman was Victoria? She was buying quite a quantity of lace!

Fleur

I hope you have noticed my absence as The Flower.

I have been dealing with the pandemic in my own way.

Since proper PPE has been so hard to procure,

I have been manufacturing it in my basement.

I have my own cold little “sweatshop” which I call Purgatory.

I have been making masks and sending them where I think they are needed.

I have designed them to be comfortable and beautiful.

I am trying to curb the culling of Covid-19.

This is what I am doing instead of being an epidemiologist.

Flow…biologist turned seamstress.

Who knew? Nobody. That’s for sure.

Flow

In some ways it was the most meaningful holiday ever.

No frills or fuss. No shopping or rushing around.

Just focused on family.

I know what it is like to lose someone I love deeply and desperately.

I will do ANYTHING to prevent that again. ( even wear a little mask)

Mama’s tree was tiny but covered with memories.

Daddy’s chair was empty but we took turns sitting in it.

I am more aware of the breezes. I hear the birds. I marvel at the changing colors of the sunsets.

I am still alive, though with a broken heart.

My treasures have truly changed.

Hold yours closely.

Time is precious and passing.

Pay attention.

FLOW

I will try to decorate my naked tree after I finish this post.

I have not wrapped any gifts. My family has done the shopping.

I have not written the usual cards or Holiday letter.

I do have last year’s Poinsettia in the foyer.

I did buy myself an Ferrari Amaryllis.

One year ago today, my family was knocked down by a huge wave.

The waves kept coming. We barely got up between them.

I have learned a lot during the sad journey. But I have lost a lot, too.

I had planned to re-trace the steps through the coming year

to figure out what all happened as we were being beat down and tossed around.

I have changed my mind about that.

I am not ready nor strong enough to revisit the tragedy and trauma.

There has been no memorial service. Daddy’s ashes are still on the piano.

(I had a nightmare about Daddy sleeping in the snow.)

He is loved and remembered fondly. We miss him desperately.

He was wonderful and full of fun and joy.

We take turns sitting in his chair, so it will not be empty. We put a bird feeder beside that window.

He loved birds. He said if there were jobs in heaven, he wanted to help the birds.

What kind of holiday message is this?

It is a REAL one. It is an appropriate one.

This is the most difficult time in the world’s living memory.

We are all sad, we are all being beat down. We are all scared.

Do not expect all our problems to disappear for holiday cheer.

So during this horrible holiday, my message is simple.

HOLD ON and FACE FORWARD.

Keep your hope handy, give your love as gifts,

smile under your mask and sing into your mask.

Look to the future.

There will be babies (maybe twins) and puppies and bunnies and flowers and birds.

THIS I KNOW.

FLOW