marriage

From This Day Backward

| Flower Roberts

Did I really read this book without burning it? The book by Kenneth J. Foreman is even more irritating than I remembered. I am surprised Mama kept it. If she had been dead when it was placed in the trash, I would have believed that she did it.

Now, I am doubting that this is the right book. I recall being miffed by its preachiness. I wondered how Mama felt about getting this as a wedding gift. I even looked through her wedding gift records. It had the givers’ names and “books” was listed.

I discussed this topic with my sister again this morning. Then I read this book for the third and hopefully last time. In my mind I held three points of view.

Contents

The first point of view was an attempt to see it through my mother’s unmarried eyes of 1952.

My adorable parents

The second was through my miffed attitude at the time I found the book in the trash in 2023. The third is of me sitting in my deceased parents’ mountain house built at the end of a long marriage. Considering this little book while safe in my haven.

My notes on this little powder keg of a book.

It is almost a book discouraging marriage except for the most devout and worthy Christians.  Pagans are insulted numerous times. I would feel unworthy of marriage if I had read this beforehand. My sis and I think my mama was probably too busy to read it before the wedding. There was no evidence of it ever being read before I read it. Oh, the irony!

If you know someone who is in a questionable engagement, may I suggest this book as a gift? (Only on Esty or ebay.) It will cause a doubt storm so fierce they may never get married.

I truly LOVE these people right here.

I am surprised that From This Day Forward needed a third printing in 1953. I will say it tries to put the skids on the conveyor belt carrying young women and men toward the altar. This book has the exact opposite effect of the shotgun at a wedding.

I will share several stand-outs that were particularly urksome.

  1. The man says “honor her” in the vows. The woman says “inspire him.” Only the woman wears a ring. Clunk.
  2. Take This Woman seems to imply all women have multiple personalities while men are rock-steady and understandable. I did appreciate that women have wider horizons and see farther into tomorrow.
  3. Take This Man has several interesting insights. Men are childlike. Their work and leisure will not be shared nor understood. The wife may be jealous of both. I did like the plea for patience from both parties.
  4. Do not expect improvements after the ceremony. Some marriages are suffocating.
  5. Wealth may be as bad for the marriage as becoming poor. Temptations, motives and how wealth is acquired are covered.
  6. Sickness and health touched on how an illness and suffering may change one’s personality. The sick person should be forgiven for transgressions.
  7. Duration may seem like punishment. Some “til death” marriages are painful.  The keys to a long happy marriage are humor and honesty. I do agree.

The one part that set my hair on fire was on page 35 about WOMEN.  I quote:

( Had you ever noticed that it is men physicians, counselors and ministers who have to allay the nervous tensions of women, and seldom the other way around?)

Written in 1950, when very few women had the opportunity to become physicians, counselors or ministers. Pause to put out your hair ladies.

I will not burn this book. It will be in Gran’s china cabinet with the wedding book. They belong together like oil and water.

This little treasure from the trashcan was both infuriating and enlightening.

FLOW

Why these Two Books? Why the Trash?

| Flower Roberts

Before I cover each book in detail, I would like to analyze them as a pair. I would also like to consider why they might have been put in the trash in the office of Enwood.

There is no point speculating how the books were moved from wherever to the trash. My sister and I both saw the books in the trashcan. Neither of us put them there. The why is worth considering.

Both titles are from Christian rituals. From This Day Forward is part of the marriage vows. Deliver Us From Evil is part of the Lord’s prayer. I do not think either of my parents would send a sign trashing the church. They were both very religious and involved in their church for over sixty years.

Although ‘Deliver Us From Evil’ is part of a Christian vow, the book was about the United States’ involvement in Vietnam. I consider it propaganda.

If I were speculating on why these books were put in a trashcan together, I might think that it could have been encouragement in the questioning of these two establishments; Christian marriage and governmental power.

I was living in the Enwood house at the time. I was sorting things to be given away and sold. It was a difficult period of trying to balance the needs of my family at home and mama’s many needs at the home. My sister and I had good helpers or we would have suffered terribly under the strain.

I had lost faith in the church and the government at this point. I felt unmoored after losing my precious father. Now, I was helping my sister preparing to empty our home place as mama was declining.

Two of the establishments that should have given me a sense of stability, church and country,  were no longer trusted. There was a lot of isolation and uncertainty at this time for my family.

I felt guilty about my doubting the traditional establishment of marriage. I wondered what each of my parents would have said about my negative attitude.

I was also very disturbed by the political climate. I have always cared about issues, being loyal to one party was not important.

I know hindsight is supposedly more accurate than forethought.  If I were to seriously try to parcel out a meaning from these two books in a trashcan I think I could settle on either or both of my parents encouraging me to question the traditional establishments and not mindlessly follow tradition.

I have discussed this with my sister.  I consider signs as nudges to help us mortals. I am no expert. This is all new to me. I am very analytical, so I ponder anything that is unusual or out of place.

My next post will be my interpretations of the two books.

FLOW