For the first time in my life, I feel finite. Like I am running out of time, energy and life. My wide-open-ness has turned to conservativeness and protectiveness. I am drained. This is not my normal. I hear clocks ticking.

I do not know where this came from. Was it the hip surgery, the hurricane, the election, my friend’s death or the illnesses of my loved ones?  I cannot  perform as a Wonder Woman any more. Too many fires, too little water.

Maybe the book I am writing has uncovered things that should have been left alone. I am amazed how my mind and hand seem to go into action while I am an observer, surprised by what shows up on the page.

I know low, but this is different. I will diligently search for a way up and out. I wish that winter was not approaching. I tend toward dormancy in the cold.

I am usually a tenacious survivor. It’s just that I need a reason to rise. I am not up for the same-old-same-old. I feel defeated by multiple circumstances.

I referred to this in an earlier post as a quagmire. Several of my readers commiserated on that point. It is the feeling of being confined or trapped. I am transitioning and writing about the past and how it has affected the present. I call these events culmination circles. I have started recording these times when life seems to spiral back on itself.

I feel like I am stuck in a rut and sinking slowly. I need change. I need something new. I need a plan of action.  I hope for a flash of inspiration. I must rally and be proactive. I am considering options and thinking outside of my comfort-zone box.

I will let you know how I climb out of this hole…when I do.

I am doing my best every day.

That is who I am.

FLOW