These waves
random yet relentless
dark and blue
knock me down
again and again.
I must
fight to stand
over and over.
I wonder
what would
become of me
if I
stayed down
and let
gravity win.
Would I drown
or could I rest
from the wrest?
Hurry spring!
Bring your
bright sunshine
to warm
my face
as it
breaks through
these waves.
Flow
In some ways it was the most meaningful holiday ever.
No frills or fuss. No shopping or rushing around.
Just focused on family.
I know what it is like to lose someone I love deeply and desperately.
I will do ANYTHING to prevent that again. ( even wear a little mask)
Mama’s tree was tiny but covered with memories.
Daddy’s chair was empty but we took turns sitting in it.
I am more aware of the breezes. I hear the birds. I marvel at the changing colors of the sunsets.
I am still alive, though with a broken heart.
My treasures have truly changed.
Hold yours closely.
Time is precious and passing.
Pay attention.
FLOW
My friends are retiring and planning the next phase of their life,
but I’m not done.
I never reached my pinnacle, I was busy yawing around.
I never climbed that mountain, my career never got past step one.
I tried teacher, artist, teacher again, writer, blogger…
but I’m not done.
I did the mama thing quite a while, now they are grown,
but I’m not done.
I keep searching for the next mission, after the pandemic,
after the fear leaves me and a vaccination.
I can’t rest or retire because
I’m not done!
I have no idea what I will do next
all I know is…
I’m not done!
FLOW
I will try to decorate my naked tree after I finish this post.
I have not wrapped any gifts. My family has done the shopping.
I have not written the usual cards or Holiday letter.
I do have last year’s Poinsettia in the foyer.
I did buy myself an Ferrari Amaryllis.
One year ago today, my family was knocked down by a huge wave.
The waves kept coming. We barely got up between them.
I have learned a lot during the sad journey. But I have lost a lot, too.
I had planned to re-trace the steps through the coming year
to figure out what all happened as we were being beat down and tossed around.
I have changed my mind about that.
I am not ready nor strong enough to revisit the tragedy and trauma.
There has been no memorial service. Daddy’s ashes are still on the piano.
(I had a nightmare about Daddy sleeping in the snow.)
He is loved and remembered fondly. We miss him desperately.
He was wonderful and full of fun and joy.
We take turns sitting in his chair, so it will not be empty. We put a bird feeder beside that window.
He loved birds. He said if there were jobs in heaven, he wanted to help the birds.
What kind of holiday message is this?
It is a REAL one. It is an appropriate one.
This is the most difficult time in the world’s living memory.
We are all sad, we are all being beat down. We are all scared.
Do not expect all our problems to disappear for holiday cheer.
So during this horrible holiday, my message is simple.
HOLD ON and FACE FORWARD.
Keep your hope handy, give your love as gifts,
smile under your mask and sing into your mask.
Look to the future.
There will be babies (maybe twins) and puppies and bunnies and flowers and birds.
THIS I KNOW.
FLOW
This is a repost of my favorite Christmas books. Every year they grow stronger, because children love them. These are the books children and adults want to read over and over again. That’s why they’re the best. Please, go to the library if it is open. Get some of these books and read them aloud […]
My Favorite Christmas Picture Books for Children
I get excited every time our fox shows up.
It is young and very active. Its colors are beautiful. Its tail is fluffy.
I watch it with great interest as it explores the yards.
It found a scent it thought interesting.
It rubbed it and rolled on it just like a dog would do.
This fox is habituated to me and my camera.
It took a little rest while I was standing on the deck photographing its every move.
It looked up at me and yawned again.
The fox is completely uninterested in me.
I consider that a compliment.
FLOW
I went on another adventure today,
deep in the mountains, across several creeks, through three locked gates.
My uncle Jim lead us to this hidden gem of a hide-away.
I have dreamed of such a place,
by a stream
with a fire pit
and a porch.
An outhouse was never part of my dream, but this one is dreamy.
It even has art inside.
I do believe there was magic here. ( I mean in the area, not in the outhouse)
The person who built this and I should be friends.
We have dreams in common.
We may know some of the same fairies.
Flow
Jean May has gone crazy again.
How can she do what she does?
She’s pushing a million pink petals among her green leaves.
Every year I say she cannot burst out better.
Then she goes and does it again.
Jean May is one crazy Camellia sasanqua!
Flower
There was some mysterious activity out on the river last weekend.
A group of boats gathered. All boats had the letters JS and a number on the side.
They seemed to be playing duck-duck-goose in the water.
One or two would take turns zooming around the group.
This went on for quite some time.
During the game, I was able to do laundry, write a blog on bricks and fix tuna salad.
It was a noisy game. I was glad when it ended and they all headed south.
Witnessing another activity that makes me feel old and persnickety.
Say it isn’t so!
Flow
floweralley 