Hiding Onstage

Hiding in plain sight involves two things, clothes and mannerisms. If you are supposed to be a person of authority, that just leaves clothes. Meakness onstage is not an option. Fake it ’til you make it!

If you are a women, camouflage clothing entails the ‘muted colors no-clevage look.’ Pants and shirts are a bit too big and leaning in the unisex direction. Holding attention without being flashy is tricky. There must be subtle details like an interesting brooch or custom button or unflashy/untrashy jewelry.
This describes my ‘hiders wardrobe.’

Sometimes items purchased were way too big and required altering. My trusty seamstress, Nadwa, asked repeatedly, “Why you buy your clothes too big?”

Now that I have given up the stage, I am purging these carefully selected and augmented costumes. I look at each one in dismay. I even try some things on hoping to find a redeeming quality. They feel too much like uniforms with bad memories clinging to them.

Here is my set of blazers I call the ‘ Grand Jury Jackets.’  This stint of hiding was the most problematic of all,  that year was much more complicated than the ‘Middle School Momish’ collection or the ‘College Lecture and Cat Lab’ assortment.

Grand Jury hiding was tricky. As assistant foreman I was required to get up from the desk which was center-stage during each officer’s swearing in and walk to retrieve the appropriate files from other jurors on stage.

The auditorium was filled with other jurors. The witnesses were law enforcement officers. I will add that most of these men and women were impressive and dedicated. The testimonies involving felonies were sometimes hard to listen to. I did almost hyperventilate several times.

So now that I have explained the purpose of the ‘ Look at Me but Don’t See Me’ wardrobe,  I would like to share some photos. These costumes were not cheap and required careful selection and augmentation.

No special order. I served July to June. I will not share the year.

Peach with rolled up sleeves. Two custom buttons.
Perfect match of peach flecks
BIG, boring blue with no buttons. The previous month must have traumatized me. Totally invisible outfit.
I wore this one several times. May keep it.
Mysterious Planet button.
Almost the same blue as Boring. Custom button.
Button like a woven basket.
Red Really? Must have been for February.
This button has official looking dignity!
Dark green, wsy too big and heavy. No new buttons. Must have been depressed this month. Hell, I got depressed just looking at it!
I wish this one wasn’t so big.

Handmade button from Etsy shop MyOnblawnes by KattieQ in the United Kingdom. The button is a keeper!

My friends say I am not an introvert, but I am. I have developed coping mechanisms like these blazers to make me feel safe when I am forced to be brave against my will.

I wear myself out being brave alot. So does Rose. It’s not easy acting like an extrovert on stage when you would be happier being invisible backstage painting the props.

FLOW

Grateful for the Good

Extreme stress is not conducive to creativity.
I cannot change reality right now,
but I can focus on the good.

I am and will continue to poison myself with the daily events of horror. I refuse to totally look away from this chaos and suffering caused by greed and evil.

But, I also purposefully find the fighters for right. These are good people who have had their warrior switch turned on by an event they could not tolerate.

These are the good that I am grateful for. The people that chose to stand their ground and do whatever it takes to protect what is of value.

Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine inspires me by staying with his people and not wearing a suit.

AOC and Bernie Sanders who stand shoulder to shoulder with the real people with jobs and dreams.

Melanie Stansbury who refuses to defuse her fury at the monstrous atrocities that occurred to young females in her state on an exclusive, isolated ranch.

Jasmine Crockett who goes off like a rocket when entitled liars speak.

Chef Jose Andres who has taken on the hunger of the displaced all over the planet with World Central Kitchen.

The Walk for Peace Monks and Aloka walking through snow to reach our chaotic capital. I will keep that image of their robes against the snow forever.

Jessica Knurick who stands up against the bull shit spread about health by ignorant folks who are not qualified to write a prescription nor shop for healthy food.

My hero, Heather Cox Richardson. The historian who is documenting the daily shenanigans of inept people in power. She calms me down like no one else.

My new favorite duo, Jeff Newton and Rye Howard Stone, who are teaming up to lay bare the Epstein files using an AI assistant named Claude. Jeff is formerly from 60 Minutes. Rye just finished his PhD and is taking this on as he waits for the right job to appear. These two are on Substack. Watch them work. Simply amazing!

I will stop here. I could add many more groups who have been formed to right the wrongs.

These are the names I whisper into the darkness as I try to relax and sleep.

I am truly grateful for the good they are doing.

FLOW

ALL on ONE Wall

I needed to go to a place that grounds me. These are shaky times and I needed some mental mooring. I went to where I always go when I need peace.

Tuesday morning, I was shaken by the unthinkable. War.

Evergreen Island


I went to Evergreen Island to clear my head. By some strange miracle, I was the only person there. This has never happened before. I guess folks were at the polls or watching the war unfold.

Stone wall full of life

I do not take my safe life for granted. I am disturbed by the unrest everywhere. Humans baffle me. Nature makes more sense. I brought my camera with me especially to photograph this stone wall.

Fern, lichen, algae and moss coexisting

I have studied this wall for years. It brings me peace to see a mix of species living together in harmony.

Foliose and fruticose lichens among moss

There is moss, ferns and lichen living on these old stones. There are forms of algae, fungi and bacteria that cannot be seen. I also see signs of animals living inside the wall.

A hole in the wall home

These living things coexist and share nutrients, space and moisture.

The stone wall plant and fungi condo

This symbiosis between species has taken thousands of years of adjustments to attain balance.

A heart in the wall

I wonder how long it will take humans to learn to live together?

FLOW

Pacing on the Porch

I am not one to stay inside. The weather on the mountain has been a bit harsh lately. When the ground is slick with snow and ice I have to stay on the porch with my new hips. The decking out there still has streaks from my pacing with my walker during my months of convalescing.

When the storms come from the north, I can pace out on the porch and not get wet. Weather from the west is a different story. The wind blasts across that porch like a freight train. If you get near the railing at the western end you feel like you could almost be lifted off your feet.

During some of the snowstorms this winter, I actually sat on the porch in my coat and watched in silent wonder. That did not happen during this last winter blast that rattled the screens and made me thankful for the brick walls. My neighbors lose siding during these hell benders. They call me ‘ The Third Little Pig.’

This morning the weather has finally settled and I felt the need to go out. The porch in front of the door and to the east was still covered in snow. No problem. I now have a racy red Valentine shovel delivered to me by Mr. Flower. Don’t judge ladies. He also brought flowers and chocolate. LADIES, he has had forty years of training, so curb your envy.

MEN just because you covet every tool does not mean your sweetie wants a vacuum cleaner for Mother’s Day.  Yes, you got away with that with your adoring mama, but do not try to pull that two-for gift crap on your wife. If she needs a vacuum cleaner let her pick it out. What do you know about it? She’s not surprising you with a weed-eater.

I digress.

This morning hauled my Valentine shovel out to that porch and cut me a walking path heading west.

Now I can pace on half the porch when the ceiling gets on my nerves. I am grateful for this gift. My other snow shovel was a bent wimp. The flowers will fade and the chocolates will be eaten, but my love shovel will endure!

My Valentine Shovel

FLOW

A Storm is Coming

Yes, a change in weather is coming,
But that is not the storm I am anticipating.


A change is coming.
Americans need something new and TRUE.
We are tired of the drama and injustice.
A storm is moving across our nation.

To the 18 other countries
that have read me today.

Keep the faith. We are not broken.
If monks can walk barefoot for peace,
What are we willing to do?

https://www.facebook.com/share/186p6qVxTx/

Anything and everything.

FLOW

Evergreen Island Alone

I made myself go to one of my favorite places today.

Going there used to be a reward for getting my chores done.

But today I went with my clothes still in the dryer and unfolded towels in a basket.

I had not swept the floors either.

Why the switch from going as a reward to being forced to go?

FEAR

That foe is still here.

So I went to Evergreen Island to prove that I could.

Alone

Unsure but determined

Who will make me go if I don’t?

I heard the fear voice whispering…

later, tomorrow, when you have time, when there is no pain, when your new stick gets here…

I heard that whispering all afternoon until I wanted to scream.

I grabbed my trek pole, camera and keys and marched myself to the car.

If I fall, I fall.

If it hurts, it hurts.

Fear has kept me from Evergreen Island for many months.

But I got there today!

Do not listen to that whispering voice.

Ignore that fear!

Listen to your heart.

FLOW

The Wolf Moon and the Spirit Orb

Coyotes howled in the valley as I took these photos. A green spirit orb appeared.


This has happened before, the night of my daughter’s college graduation.
Believe what you wish.

FLOW

Wolf Moon and Green Spirit Orb

New Color for the New Year

The pair of Storytellers’ Chairs have returned to the mountain fully restored and ready for more. I have been busy saving the stories as well. Legacy isn’t just about  things.

In the 1960’s the chairs were a plush green. They sat in my grandparents’ livingroom overlooking Hibriten Mountain. My maternal grandfather was the main storyteller.

Grannypaw in green

In the 1980’s the chairs were covered in a rosy velvet. They were in my parents’ home in Charlotte.

Daddy in rosy Hong Kong

Now, they are a lovely blue and sitting in the family room of my parents’ dreamhouse in the mountains of North Carolina.

New blue and the Zebra, too.

You may recognize the Zebra table nearby.
Having these important family heirlooms restored and placed here makes me feel like more time circles have been completed.


I have fond memories of times with the former owners of these chairs. I miss my precious relatives who are no longer living. I especially miss my mama, Dottie Ann/ Kiki and her younger brother Uncle Jim both of whom we lost in 2025.

Uncle Jim and Dottie Ann/ Kiki/ Mama

These family pieces being restored and ready for more years with our family brings me both peace and joy.

Many thanks to Blue Ridge Upholstery in Vilas, North Carolina for doing such an excellent job for us.

Good as new in blue

READY FOR 2026!


FLOW