It has been going on for weeks now. I have been calling it the ‘Pink Sparkle Emergency.’ I have been searching for all things pink. Pink was Mama’s favorite color. I thought it was just a habit, this looking for pink in January. Her birthday is in January.

I found a pink heart dish for her gift. I got out a pink candle holder I made years ago. I will light the pink candle on her birthday. I thought the obsession would stop.

It got worse. I needed a pink shirt and pink snowflake jewelry. Shirts came. Wrong pink. The jewelry did not sparkle enough. I shopped until my new hips hurt looking for the right sparkle and the right pink.

Finally, I have the right pink. The right pink? What does that even mean?

I was hoping the emergency was over. I hoped I could finally relax.

Last night I had a pink sparkle dream. There was a little pink sparkle dress. Maybe it’s from too much Wicked watching and Golden Globe viewing?

When I woke up this morning, I saw it in my mind. The perfect pink, the perfect sparkle.

It was my mama’s evening gown. I called home and made Mr. Flower take photos. Just to be sure it was safe.

I have not been searching for the perfect sparkly pink. I have been searching for my mama.

Tomorrow is her first birthday after her leaving us. Grief does strange things.

FLOW