I am almost ready to cut myself loose. The staples are out. I am no longer using a walker nor trekking pole. After nineteen months of struggle, I am down to one bandaid on the part of the incision that is still smiling. I have tried to be still since the staples were removed three days ago. This cautious  pause is due to the fact my other incision on the right hip got infected last July causing swelling at the site and fever. I do not want to repeat this with my left hip.

I also fell down two days before the surgery in October and bent my left, lower leg back under my body. I think having a fake knee saved me from a break. I guess you have gathered that I am more gung ho than graceful. I make my family nervous. They are tired of the trauma, emergencies and care-giving.

I get that. I appreciate their concern. I am grateful for their help. But…

Help is the sunny side of control (Anne Lamott) Too much help leads to helplessness. I have written about this many times on my other site,

seizuremamaandrose.org

That blog is about my daughter’s thirty-plus-year struggle with epilepsy. We have spent decades fighting against fear and over-protection. I remember telling one of her elementary school teachers ” Do not hand her a handicap!” Every child deserves to be as strong and independent as he/she can possibly be.

So I have been raging against holding the reins tightly as far as Rose is concerned for decades. Now, I find myself insisting that my own reins be dropped.

It is super important that women learn to be in charge of their own well-being whether it be avoiding a dark stranger, surviving bad weather, recovering from unwise decisions, staying alert for an empty gas tank, deflecting stray sperm, controlling a medical condition or not stepping on a piece of cardboard. (twice!)

Men protecting their moms, wives and daughters from reality makes us ignorant and weak. We cannot be naive in this world. We must be savvy, smart and strong. If we fall down, let us get ourselves up or call 911…again. You, dear man, cannot hover 24/7.

Do not try to keep the women you love in a bubble of your own making, it will pop. The earlier, the better.

We all know it. Stand down.

FLOWER