I am grateful I have always had the habit of writing things down. I carry little notebooks wherever I go. If I forget to pack one while on a trip, there is a ‘ journal emergency’ which involves finding the nearest store to buy any strang little book that suits me.

The process of writing has always helped me remember events better.  During the years of Rose’s epilepsy trauma, I took notes on everything Rose. Having accurate records of all seizures,  drug changes and hospital stays was an important first step to writing our book, Seizure Mama and Rose by Flower Roberts.

I am using my writings again. This time I am going back over forty years. The culmination circles have called me back to my younger self. Critical choices were made at this time in my life. I was not brave enough to stand up to contradictory forces. The evidence is there on yellowed pages in my own handwriting. I let others sway my decisions because of my indecisive, pleaser self. Doors were closed.

Things in the present have circled back. I have tried to ignore this. I have other aspects of my life that need my immediate attention, but pauses keep taking me back. Something needs finishing, healing, forgiving…

I do not know where this journey will lead. I need to understand my former self and circumstances. I need to look at the past to move forward. Choices are being made. This time I want to own them.

FLOW