I am rarely in the present moment. My mind is either in the past or in the future. I hate to admit this, but it is noticeable in my case. I am either in a reflective fog or moving too fast.
This is not a new problem. When my children were small, I drove them through the drop-off line at their elementary school. If you have ever done this, you know it is an irritating parade of dozens of stops and dozens of goes. When I finally made it into the drop-off zone, I stopped one last time and pulled away. The guidance counselor, Mingo, had to chase down my car and knock on the window. I had forgotten one small detail…to let my children out of the van.
Lately, it has been pointed out to me by two separate friends at two different meals that I stab my food like I am angry at it. Mad at food? No. Just thinking of other things as I mindlessly stuff food into my mouth.
This is the reason for today’s read. Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. This is a frustrating title for someone who needs to escape herself. I have been sitting in silence trying to absorb its wisdom today without angrily turning its pages.
I have found it interesting. I am proud of the sustained attention I have mustered to read such a book. I am easily distracted, so this would not have been possible at home.
Being in the moment is something I obviously struggle with. The other flaw I am tackling in the coming weeks is fear. People think I am brave, but they do not see how I constantly fight fear.
My latest fear is that my new hip will go out of joint again. I fear that I will be alone so no one can call an ambulance this time. I must say that I met an inspiring young EMT named Rambo. She got away before I could propose to her for my son. We need an EMT in this family boy!
It is awful not to trust your own body. I will be doing physical therapy to strengthen the muscles. I have too much to do to lie around thinking. Any level of uncertainity will hold you back, if you let it.
So now, I hope to be mindfully walking, eating and reading.
We shall see!
FLOW
floweralley 
Hi Flow. I have a friend in a similar situation: she wears a medical alert bracelet and has the mobile phone close to her all the time; it is also a good practice to have a rellie or a friend to check in on you by phone at least regularly —
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Rose is finally making progress. She will need many back-ups to stay safe. Good to hear from you John Malone. Thanks
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I thought you were referring to my other blog. seizuremamaandrose.org
My daughter Rose has epilepsy.
Nothing is ever easy!
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I don’t know that one. I will look it up —
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I am sorry to hear about your hip. I think John has some good suggestions. We have been discussing situations after the movie star and his wife were found dead. The things we need to think about. 🙂
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That mad me sad. I am surrounded by good neighbors here. I just cannot hike alone or on rough terrain now. I will stick to the popular, worn paths. That was the worst pain ever. Makes me paranoid. I must get strong and not be mindless in my stunts. Mercy!
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It takes a while to let go, the mind is so used to running, running, running!
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Days of silence in our mountain house has helped. I have informed my family that my phone will be on me, but on silent. I am concentrating better already. Hooray! Thanks Eliza
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👏🏼
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We are not the mind.
We can observe the mind, but we are not it.
What we truly are is the awareness that notices the mind.
So, gently bring your attention to that awareness.
That awareness – that still, silent presence – is who we really are.
And the more you practise, the more natural it becomes.
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