Month: November 2024

My Finiteness

| Flower Roberts

For the first time in my life, I feel finite. Like I am running out of time, energy and life. My wide-open-ness has turned to conservativeness and protectiveness. I am drained. This is not my normal. I hear clocks ticking.


I do not know where this came from. Was it the hip surgery, the hurricane, the election, my friend’s death or the illnesses of my loved ones?  I cannot  perform as a Wonder Woman any more. Too many fires, too little water.

Maybe the book I am writing has uncovered things that should have been left alone. I am amazed how my mind and hand seem to go into action while I am an observer, surprised by what shows up on the page.


I know low, but this is different. I will diligently search for a way up and out. I wish that winter was not approaching. I tend toward dormancy in the cold.

I am usually a tenacious survivor. It’s just that I need a reason to rise. I am not up for the same-old-same-old. I feel defeated by multiple circumstances.

I referred to this in an earlier post as a quagmire. Several of my readers commiserated on that point. It is the feeling of being confined or trapped. I am transitioning and writing about the past and how it has affected the present. I call these events culmination circles. I have started recording these times when life seems to spiral back on itself.

I feel like I am stuck in a rut and sinking slowly. I need change. I need something new. I need a plan of action.  I hope for a flash of inspiration. I must rally and be proactive. I am considering options and thinking outside of my comfort-zone box.

I will let you know how I climb out of this hole…when I do.

I am doing my best every day.

That is who I am.

FLOW

Roots Bustin’ Loose

| Flower Roberts

This has happened before.

The roots of Clivia miniata ‘Good Hope’ busting out of the pot.

Last time this happened I thought
I had brought in a stowaway toad.
The roots raised up in a bulge and dumped soil on the floor.

This time the roots cracked the pot to make more space.

These hefty, hairy roots will not be restrained nor contained. I appreciate a plant that knows what it needs.

Now, it has room to grow and to bloom.

‘Good Hope’ puts out several pups each year.

This bush lily is worth all the work.

Its giant cluster of butter-yellow blooms will be like sunshine in late winter.

Clivia miniata ‘Good Hope’

I also have an orange one named ‘Fire Lily.’

FLOWER

My Schlumbergera collection is still in a bag. We will see how that worked next week.

I Need Sandra!

| Flower Roberts

Do not feel hurt because I need Sandra.


It is just that she is the one

that I told my secrets to

and now I need her and she is not here.


I talk to her photo, but it doesn’t talk back.


I need to tell her something
but she is not here to hear it
even though I need her.


She left me here and I miss her.


I want her to talk to me calmly

like she used to do before

she left here to go there, 

which is where?         

I need a sign of what to do.


Can she send a feather or pearl,


so I will know

which way to go

and what to do

and which to choose?


I need Sandra,

but she left.

FLOWER

It is hard to get through the holidays when someone is missing. There will be empty chairs. You must pause to remember those that are gone. It is important to save that space in your life and in your heart.

Last Call Alert

| Flower Roberts

I know my American followers are busy decorating and cooking for our Thanksgiving holiday. My northern friends have probably done all their garden close-down activities all ready.

Attention southern gardeners in Zone 7. Get ready cause here it comes. That first freeze of the season. I know you are busy, but late is too late.


The North Carolina mountains just got their first snow, which was not greeted with the usual joy due to Hurricane Helene. Our high altitudes are Zone 5.


My piedmont people better step away from the turkey to go unhook garden hoses, empty birdbaths and put potted plants in the ground or inside. Take those last cuttings and bring in your glass rain gauges.

All empty pots need to be turned upside down with the holes covered. If you do not cover the holes, your tiny friends may get trapped inside. I have rescued several screaming mice who crawled in and could not get out.

Before you start thinking that the Flower is back in the saddle, I must confess. I was outside working on a different blog post when the signs let me know it was time.

What signs? Shrivelled elepant ear margins and dozens of stinkbugs in an umbrella I almost brought inside. Then I cheated and checked the weather forecast for the next week.

Never wait until a hard freeze is predicted to prep for winter. In the event of a few degrees in the wrong direction, its too late to rescue those plants, hoses and rainwands.

Testing 6 lavender hybrids as deer deterrents.

I popped the last of my plants for my Lavender experiment into the the ground today. I will have to continue collecting data next year thanks to my injury and surgery.

Make a quick sweep of your gardens and then get get back to that turkey. I mean the one in the oven, not the one you married.

Happy Thanksgiving

FLOW

My Unhappy Fatsia

| Flower Roberts

How many hoops must I jump through to keep this shrub happy? Sometimes it looks like it is thriving and other times I must grab some clippers and cut off browning, misshappen leaves.

Fatsia japonica ‘Spider’s Web’

It is in a shaded corner, out of wind with moist soil. I cut about eight leaves off before taking this photo of the blooms. I know that is cheating/staging.  Chill sticklers.

Ugly leaves and my house shoe. Ha

I fell in love with its variegated leaves. You can see why its name is ‘Spider’s Web’ Fatsia japonica.

Stay tuned for its black berries.


FLOW

If any of you have a clue about what is wrong by looking at the removed leaves, please message me.

Helping Our Butterflies

| Flower Roberts

My good friend, Cindy, has heard the call of the butterflies. Our winged friends need our help on their long journey across the state. More development means less weeds. This does not have to be the end of the story. Many folks in-the-know are stepping it up and planting the needed plants in their yards.

We all need to be aware that we can form a wildlife corridor for nature on the move. Carolina Cindy Nursery can help you be part of the solution in North Carolina by supplying you with the shrubs and plants that butterflies need on their journey.

This is a second calling for Cindy who helps humans as a nurse for her career. This butterfly passion is evident in her gardens which have themes, such as The Wizard of Oz and an ode to her late mother, Betty.

She has the heart of an artist, which is evident in her pottery, drawings and paintings.

She is busy perfecting her ‘She Shed’ with amenities for visitors. I wish I had that much energy and motivation. She is an inspiration.

Cindy is working on her website and Meta page. I predict she will be in full swing by spring.

As our environment gets changed by humans, we need to remember the wildlife that also call this place home. You will be rewarded by little wild friends stopping by to brighten your gardens.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61565662502329

FLOW

Supersaturated

| Flower Roberts

This post will start with a brief science lesson. The title, supersaturated, means when too much solute is added to a solvent. Let’s say the solute is sugar and the solvent is water. When the water is saturated it has dissolved all the sugar it can hold, so if more is added it falls to the bottom of the container.

Now let’s apply this to your attention span. When you get bombarded with information, your brain gets overwhelmed by too much stimulus to process it all so it drops the overload from your attention.

If some of the stimuli evokes emotion, then even less stimuli can be processed. Let’s use the example of cooling the water before adding sugar, so less sugar will be dissolved and more will fall out of solution. I will stop there because this is about energy.

I am supersaturated right now. There has been and will be too much media drama for anyone to process. Do not feel badly that you are overwhelmed. I am sharing this because you need to limit what you are trying to process. If you let the media supersaturate your brain with the political drama, you may be too overwhelmed to attend to things that are personally important to you.

You may get caught up in the news blitz and realize later that your bills did not get paid and you forgot to take a shower or pick up your children from school. When this happens, it is time to install a filter.

My filter involves NOT reading any posts from unreliable sources and avoiding any articles that contain certain names and faces that light my head on fire and cause me to stop processing pertinent information. This may seem like “Turtle mode” but that is better than “Hail storm” mode which basically hurts everything BUT the source of the angst.

I am not saying bury your head in the sand. I am saying ONLY do things that matter and bring results, instead of reacting with spewing and venting. My family prefers me in “Turtle mode” because I am processing instead of spewing. I retreat and plan my strategy such as donating to the opposition and other worthy causes that will need my help more than ever.

I am sharing this with you because my circle of concern is huge and my circle of influence is small and I am feeling overwhelmed and a bit hopeless. I am familiar with this quagmire position, so I am passing along my learning from experience to younger folks who feel like the sky is falling for the first time.

Hang on. Keep your head down. Do what you can. Let the rest go for now. This is not being selfish, it is self-care. Do not be bullied into believing otherwise.

Some old people are as baffled as you are right now, but we have lived through hard times so we are focusing on our own little worlds for the time being.

I will spend the rest of the day out in my gardens. Let’s hope I don’t fall down!

FLOW

Posts in the works on ‘Shrub Queen Cindy’ and Schlumbergeras in a bag.

Too Much Protection

| Flower Roberts

I coddle and smother my plants. I tend to over-correct problems out of guilt. An example of this is how I have tried to protect one of my camellias.
‘White by the Gate’ must be really tasty. My deer neighbors seem determined to eat its leaves and buds. They even bite the mesh to get to the leaves. Its shape has been deformed during overnight raids.

No backside because of deer munching.

Early last spring I haphazardly constructed a piecemeal enclosure made of all sorts of things(junk) I found around my shop and garden.

I had already removed the tacky top before this photo. I ripped off plastic mesh and pieces of hardware cloth after pulling out about a dozen plant support stakes and random sticks. It looked like an old KerPlunk game.

When the deer smashed this in to get to the leaves, I further fortified the structure with stakes and sticks. It was an ugly mess, but the shrub was safe…sort of.

Stakes and sticks of all sort removed from the Camellia cage.

I have not been able to walk steadily since April. I did not stray far from the house for fear of falling until three weeks ago. During these months of my absence, the Camellia grew. Twigs and leaves grew right through the plastic mesh protection. The new growth became tangled and deformed from being enclosed for its safety.

Deformed new growth. Is this the desired result?

I removed the old mess of enclosure yesterday. In the process I ripped off quite a bit of new growth. Is this really safety? It seemed more like restraint.

The new enclosure is taller, simpler, sturdier and bigger. There is enough room for the new growth without it having to poke through the fence and get nibbled on. It will probably need to be taller and sturdier.


The Camellia will be able to grow without being distorted and weakened by its protection. That restrictive fencing reminded me of the damaging effects of paternalism.

New buds in custody.

There is also the irony of saving the flower buds while hurting the mother plant.

Sigh.

FLOWER is back in her neglected garden.